DAY 232: SLEEPING WITH ME

     Well, get ready, if you sleep with me, it's going to be an incredibly sexy experience.  First, since I grind my teeth, the dentist made me a night guard--it's a mouth guard I have to wear at night while I sleep so I don't grind down all of my molars.  (For the record, the mouth guard gives you nighttime halitosis with the mostest.  But its not a permanent condition of mine.  I swear!  Anyone, and I mean anyone would have bad breath if they had to wear a mouth guard.  In fact doesn't everyone wake up with bad breath anyway?  It's the rules of sleep, right?)  And now because of this ongoing and highly annoying elbow injury, my physical therapist has instructed me to wear my elbow air cast/guard thing while I sleep.  If the elbow guard doesn't make my elbow feel better when I wake up, I'm supposed to buy a wrist guard, the kind that looks like a splint and has a metal rod in it to keep your entire arm straight, and wear it at night instead.  Great, who am I, Captain Hook?!

     Enough already.  Who's going to want to sleep with this girl and all these crazy props?  Not to mention I'm always cold, so those cute nightgowns go to waste on me if the other person needs air condition on the whole night (or who am I kidding any part of the night), because I wrap myself in a cocoon of blankets, while the guy next to me is hot beyond belief--so sweating--and usually snoring.  It's just my luck.