Saturday, March 3, 2012


     While watching a rerun of Bethenny Ever After, I saw her modeling a pair of ass pants.  They're pants that have a padded butt, to make one's look bigger--much bigger.  As she has them on she says: "people actually have asses like this."  Yes, lady they do.  I, myself have a pretty plump tush and it caused me some problems today.  As I was walking into the library this morning a seven foot tall man loitering outside lunged for me and tried to grab my ass.  No joke.  I had to get an escort to my car after I checked out the book Day After Night by Anita Diamant.  (As an aside, her book Red Tent was excellent).  I don't have to wear ass pants like Bethenny, I just have to wear pants in general.  Today I'd been at pilates and the dry cleaners, I didn't realize wearing black yoga pants would set someone off in broad daylight to reach for my butt.  But it did.
     This big ass of mine makes shopping for pants hard.  Often I have to buy a pair of pants bigger than I normally would an get them taken in two sizes in the waist, just so they'll fit properly.  It can get expensive always going to the tailor.
     I also get one interesting compliments/comments with this tush of mine.  For example, while visiting my sister one summer in Minneapolis a guy at a club said to me: "guuurl, you are WEARING that dress!"  I was wearing a new dress my sister had bought for me earlier that day for my birthday at H&M in the Mall of America.  I'll admit it was a fitted dress, but nothing distasteful.  A guy I dated once told me my butt was like "two five pound bags of finely packed sugar" and that he'd heard that line in a movie.  I'm guessing it was a Western.  Another guy said when he first met me he was afraid I was going to be too skinny and that he was so glad I had a bubble butt.  A bubble butt?  That just sounds terrible to me.  Then he said whatever you're doing keep doing it--"keep eating that McDonald's."  I do like McDonald's and I'd told him how I love the cheeseburgers and sausage biscuits there, but I still think his comment was a bit bizarre.
     Three guys at a bar recently told me and my girlfriends that they like girls with junk in the trunk.  (Well that's a relief!)  To be accurate, I think they said "we like girls with a little jiggle jiggle."  Let me be the first to tell them (or to remind them) that girls don't like the term or the actual feeling of "jiggle."  Why do you think we go to the gym, hmmm?  I like the term "shaky shaky" better.  It's more positive, less mean, and not as my ears at least.

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