Tuesday, February 28, 2012


     One of my girlfriends texted me the other day to tell me a guy I used to date was named as one of the best dentists in a local magazine.  Ok that makes sense, when I was dating him he'd finished dental school and was in medical school to become an oral maxillofacial surgeon--who did some botox, some rhinoplasty and other plastic surgery procedures on the face.  He was a smart guy and did well on his boards.  I Googled stalked him and found his medical practice's website.  My first question is: how does one go from teeth and face to being a expert in breast augmentation?
     Curious.  Not really.  This guy was always making comments about how people needed certain surgeries to make them look better.  He told me I had "great bone structure" and that my orthodontia work was pretty good except my front and lower teeth didn't line up perfectly.  But then he threw out: "if we were going to do any work on you, we'd just raise the tip of your nose a little bit."  Thanks but no thanks.
     One time he came over to my apartment one night extremely upset.  His surgical mentor had made a comment about his nose being too big and that he should think about getting a nose job.  That mentor even held up profile nose cards to the guy's face to show him what a brand new nose on his face would look like.  He told me that he never thought he needed a nose job, that he had a big nose and that it was fine.  Well, it turns out if you want to be in the business he's in you succumb to peer pressure.  Guess who's got a new nose?  You guessed it.  I compared his current, best dentist picture to a picture from my birthday party over 5 years ago and one of the things on his face isn't the same.  I however, have the same nose and think my tip looks quite well, thank you very much.
     Then after meeting all my friends and co-workers at my birthday party he told me that one of my friends needed a boob job and a lawyer at my firm "needed a whole new grill."  Who says that to someone he's dating about her friends?  Well, it gets better.  That same night he told my one friend (the one, who according to him, needed breast implants) that he wanted to set her up with one of his doctor friends.  Not 2 hours or so later, we'd moved from my party to a karaoke bar, he told my other girl friend that she was better suited for the doctor friend of his but not to tell my first girlfriend that or (and I quote, he seriously said this) "I will cut your tits off."  Well friends and countrymen, looks like he's cutting someone's tits off (and making them bigger), just not of anyone I know.

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